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Home
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Thursday, 07 February 2008 |
... dying a slow death... |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Tuesday, 24 April 2007 |
Everything is fine, nothing is ruined. Nothing has happened. Seriously, all is well with the world.
Actually, I'm just too busy to even think about updating. You work 60 - 70 hours a week contracted with extra overtime and find time to run rant.
Coming soon! A rant. Contact me if you want your rants up here, anyone will do. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Sunday, 15 April 2007 |
Source: The Guardian
It will come as no surprise for people living in the UK to learn that more and more people are taking drugs for recreation. They are easy to get, cheap and generally not filled with dog worming tables like they once were. A whole subculture of dealers has grown, not along the former lines of pushers on street corners, but as respected people to ask for advice and source something for the weekend. Turf wars are still, naturally, a problem in inner cities, but when it comes to getting your hands on some cocaine or some heroin... someone you know will know somebody who can get it, and get it cheap.
It will probably come as a surprise to discover that for the last few years the British government has been fighting a war against drugs. They lowered the classification and punishment for cannabis possession and use, and there are several reports currently published that suggest cocaine and ecstasy are much less damaging to peoples health than alcohol and tobacco. Turns out that these steps were aimed at making people think twice before using drugs.
Nicely done. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Saturday, 07 April 2007 |
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It's easter weekend - so happy easter and don't expect any updates until Tuesday. Takes the piss, doesn't it. |
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Anti-Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Thursday, 05 April 2007 |
Source: The Daily Mail
The 15 British sailors / marines that were being kept hostage by Iran have been released and have landed in the UK this morning. They are currently being debriefed, a process that is expected to take several days. After all, its not like they stuck to name, rank and serial number.
I just want to point out, with much pride, that my prediction that every non-smiling face on the front of this mornings paper belonged to a marine and not a sailor.
Released at last. Only the marines saved face though.
Iran had captured the 15 service people 14 days ago in the Persian gulf. The British government claims that they were on a mission within the UN designated waters of Iraq. Iran claim otherwise. Who is telling the truth is hard to say. Iran had previously, days earlier, made it clear that some sort of retaliatory event would be taking place to protest new strict UN sanctions. Britain doesn't have the best reputation for keeping out of other peoples waters though, pushing the limit to within 1.7 nautical miles in this instance if they are to be believed. Either way, the propaganda has only just begun, and at least no one was killed. In essence, a major conflict has been avoided here, even if it is an embarrassment to the British government. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Thursday, 05 April 2007 |
Source: The Sun
Jason Moore is a man obsessed with Freddy Krueger. After watching the original film some 20 times and manufacturing at least four freddy style gloves, he finally "snapped"* and decided to try and cut up one of his friends while he was asleep.
More scary than practical
It must be murder on the finger joints
Jason has been sentenced to life in prison, of which he must serve a massive 4 1/2 years before he is eligible for parole. Good to know that significantly dangerous, violence obsessed people like this are off the streets for a long time!
*clearly a large degree of snapping has already happened by this stage. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Thursday, 05 April 2007 |
Source: Playfuls.com
It turns out that a fairly large chunk of all these new "Windows Vista Compatible" stickers appearing on newly bought PC systems are a bit of a mistake. It was all a printing error, as the vast majority of these were supposed to read "Not Windows Vista Compatible". Its all just a mix up at the printers.
Microsoft is being sued for the massive sum of $5 million (thats about 0.0005% of what Bill gates actually has in his back pocket) for falsely advertising hardware compatibility. It turns out that many machines struggle even to perform the most basic Vista tasks, let alone manage the more advanced features that have been around in Linux and on Macs for years, like transparency... oooo!
A rare, correctly printed sticker
Who actually believes that proportionally losing 5p out of £100,000 is going to make Microsoft change their ways? Such sanctions are utterly futile and will only ultimately cost the taxpayer more in legal fees.
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Thursday, 05 April 2007 |
Source: First Coast News
There is a strange new rule in effect as of last week at Scandia Family Fun Center in Sacramento. The fairground, with rides like "The Screamer" has been forced by the local population to ban screaming. It seems that the incessant screams of people riding rides was getting too much, and an agreement was made that if someone was screaming while on a ride then the ride would stop and the screamers would have to re-queue.
Staying silent while soiling ones pants is honorable
So, there you have it. Now that one parks has been forced to do this, it is likely that all others will follow to avoid lawsuits. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Wednesday, 04 April 2007 |
Source: News dot com dot au
Two men have been jailed for the savage murder of a young Australian homeless boy. Morgan Jay Shepherd was stabbed 133 times and decapitated by the two men who have both plead guilty to interfering with a corpse.
I think I need a one way ticket for this one
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Tuesday, 03 April 2007 |
Source: The SUN
The RAF has recently asked its top pilots to consider suicide if it means getting the job done. If the world were being invaded by aliens Independence Day style then a kamikaze mission would be on practically everyones mind if it means stopping the onslaught. I am guessing that it would take a level of dedication to futility beyond the scope of the sane to want to offer the same sacrifice to take out an Al Quaeda "commander", which seem to be ten a penny.
Air Vice Marshal David Walker showing off the new uniforms
Out of ammo? Consider suicide!
A few valid counter points have been raised, my personal favorite being: if we are going to crash into one man using a huge expensive plane, all he has to do is get out of the way and £56 million goes down the pan for nothing.
Despite the fact that someones life will inevitably be lost in such a course of action, there are also other considerations to make, not least of which is how much it costs. A pilot costs £6 million to train and the planes cost £50 million. Is it really worth crashing and burning £56 million to get one commander of some terrorist organization? I highly doubt that most people can justify this except for the architects of this insane "war" against a non-existent nation. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Tuesday, 03 April 2007 |
Source: 9 News
An official US government investigation is quickly reaching the same conclusion that 99% of frequent flyers have known for years: airport security is a joke. I travel a lot, and it is my misfortune to fly to most of my destinations. I have seen people buy expensive bottles of aftershave, only to have them taken, opened and poured away less than 1000 meters from the shop where they bought them, and the worst part is that they are not allowed to go back out through the metal detectors to get a refund. One guy had five, yes five, large bottles of Chanel 5, all sealed, with receipts from the gift shop meters away. He was promptly surrounded by at least four airport security types so he wouldn't cause a scene while he is being robbed of £200 worth of perfume. All he had to do was turn around, walk back to the shop, get a refund and come back, but no. They were "binned", although I do note that this particular confiscation was not destroyed.
A total of 1 liter liquid capacity
Five terrorists + 1 liter each = potentially five liters of explosive... what is this supposed to achieve?
Amusingly, while nail clippers and paper scissors are confiscated with much abandon, the little things like bombs and hand grenades can get through with seeming ease and frequency. The fact of the matter is that the airport security is designed solely to give a veneer of safety because governments world wide realize one thing: there is squat you can do to stop someone blowing something up. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Tuesday, 03 April 2007 |
Source: The BBC
Extremely shockingly, the bird flu scare was bogus! *gasp* Newspapers are being forced to admit, possibly in a feeble attempt to re-light the panic, that bird-flu just didn't pan out like their "experts" predicted. Worldwide pandemic? More like one dead swan and a bunch of infected imported turkey, personally blamed on Bernard Matthews for some reason.
We didn't all get bird flu and die, so lets wait for the next media pandemic
No, the bird flu is just another doomsday hype. This nonsense shamefully sells papers, and the papers know it. What irritates me most is the ease with which people buy into the hype. When the oncoming mass death inevitably doesn't pan out, the newspapers themselves will cover exactly why it didn't happen... but it still could have happened they will all wail in excuse for their own scaremongering. Now, instead of the oncoming pandemic selling papers, explanations as to why no pandemic came will sell the same papers that imagined the pandemic in the first place. Painfully expensive irony. For all those people who reported every dead bird that you saw - congratulations, you were suckered into helping the government waste money on response teams. Guess what: birds just die. They are like any other creature and they can just drop dead for a variety of reasons.
Coming soon: Guatemalan Frog Flu! Stock up on your dried frog pills now! The pharmaceutical companies must love this crap. Every time a pharmaceutical CEO opens the paper and reads about this rubbish must be a good day for that CEO. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Monday, 02 April 2007 |
Four police officers rushed to the scene of a heinous crime yesterday. Such an active response is commendable, and I applaud the bust, because this guy needed taking down!
An eleven year old boy called a ten year old school friend "gay" via email.
You would expect these two things to be completely, and absolutely unrelated, but they are not. In fact, this bust was aimed at said eleven year old primary school student. Four police officers actually went to the house of George Rawlinson (11) to discuss the email with him. Apparently, a serious homophobic crime had taken place, and heads were set to roll!
Clearly a dangerous homophobic terrorist |
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Anti-Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Sunday, 01 April 2007 |
Source: CNN
A woman is being charged with manslaughter after her husband shot her lover. You might wonder how this came to be, but in reality, the logic is clear and I approve of it highly:
A man was coming home from a card game to find his wife having sex with another man in a pickup truck on his driveway. When confronted, the wife shouted "rape!" and the husband promptly shot the man in the head, killing him instantly. However, the dead man was not a rapist, he was actually the lover of the wife! Unlucky for him.
Living in the UK where even raising a fist to a hostile intruder in your home can get you locked up for as long as murderers, it is good to see that at least somewhere the law doesn't suck so hard. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Sunday, 01 April 2007 |
Source: Fox News
A flight attendant has been discovered with a gun on board her flight. For some reason, the gun was forgotten about by said attendant, but more scarily is the fact that the gun made it on board in the first place. The flight crew allegedly go through the same security checks that we do, but if a pair of eyes that can spot some nail clippers in an image like this cant see the flagrant gun in there too, then I don't exactly have much trust in these checks.
Not exactly subtle
The flight attendant handed herself in when she remembered what she was carrying. Thankfully, this was a simple mistake, but its not exactly hard to repeat. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Sunday, 01 April 2007 |
Source: The BBC
Britain, laughing stock of the international community, is making sure the coffin lid is very securely fitted over its once proud society. Books teaching that homosexuality is something completely normal and acceptable are currently being circulated in primary schools. Is this bad? You tell me. My own opinion on this is pretty clear - I'm not gay, I don't care if you are just don't watch me while I'm taking a piss.
Flagrantly gay
The bad part comes from the fact that the schools in this scheme are being kept secret. I don't want to impose my opinions on anyone (except to idiots who can't drive), and the fact remains that opinions on the acceptability of homosexuality are still, after thousands of years, hotly debated. What if a strict religious family finds that their children are being taught that homosexuality is bad by God, but homosexuality is good by their teachers? What about the people who don't want their kids to be taught anything of a sexual nature? What is right and what is wrong?
This is now for certain: I will be educating my kids out of the country. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Sunday, 01 April 2007 |
For those readers who do not know me personally I have an announcement to make.
Several years ago I discovered that I was uncomfortable in my body. I am attracted to women, so this was always very confusion. However, increasingly I have become aware of a need to change who I am. I am, in fact, a lesbian, and after a year of consulting with doctors I have got my "big change" date finally organized. Its actually a series of three to four operations, starting with the "big cut".
Its been fun being a man, but enough is enough.
Post Mid-day update:
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Sunday, 01 April 2007 |
Source: The Daily Mail
Some idiot has managed to get a reflection on a wall into the papers by calling it a guardian angel. If it had been seen anywhere outside of a church then it would just be another ghost sighting.
My first and most damning counter comes in the form of this diagram. Admittedly speculative due to the lack of precise, if any measurements, the optics involved are all accurate.
Fig 1. A reflection that looks a bit like a floating human shape
Fig 2. a perfectly logical explanation
Another piece of damning evidence is this: why did no one jump up and should "OMG! Angel! wowz!!1!eleven2" or something similar? Is it because the image being projected from the shiny object is being wrapped around the column, so that it will take a different shape depending on where you stand? I think so. Despite the fact that the "apparition" is clearly an image reflected on to a surface it is being hyped as floating. People are dumb, but theres no news there. |
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Piss Takes
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Written by Peter M
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Friday, 30 March 2007 |
Source: The Denver Channel
Convicted violent sex offenders are demanding a pay increase. People who have managed to get themselves committed instead of imprisoned claim that because they are not inmates that they should be allowed to earn the $6.50 minimum wage for their work.
These are people too, and just because they violently rape girls shouldn't mean that they earn any less money. You see, earning money is a right, not a privilege... wait. No, having a job is a privilige. The fact that they are earning any money at all is, frankly, a stupid concept to me. These people are among the worst types of criminals, the definition of danger to society. Why are we paying them at all? Aren't we already feeding them, clothing them and housing them? It might just be me, but where is the restriction of freedom if you can still earn money? |
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